Mariah Carey – New Business Ventures

Mariah Carey and boyfriend jump feet first into new business ventures, instantly annoy countless consumers

Since her November 2017 split from billionaire boyfriend, James Packer, Mariah Carey hasn’t stopped to take a single, heartbroken breath. After the much-publicized breakup, Carey quickly fell into the waiting arms of friend and choreographer, Bryan Tanaka. Many raised a suspecting eyebrow at the new relationship, which was rumored to have begun months before the Grammy-winning pop star called it quits with Packer. If Carey and her surefooted new beau were bothered by the rumors, however, it hasn’t shown. Since December of 2017, the two have been inseparable, trotting the globe and bothering everyone they encounter. They’re in love.

But, apparently, both are head-over-heels with something other than just themselves.

Money.

Tales of the two’s excessive spending sprees have taken the internet by storm in recent weeks, but no one seems all that surprised. A former friend of Carey’s, who wished to remain anonymous, recently talked about Mariah’s obsession with extravagance.

She might be the greediest woman I’ve ever met,” recalled the source. “The chick’s got gold-plated houseplants. HOUSEPLANTS. Oh, she waters them, too. WITH DIAMONDS. It’s insane. She’s got a real problem.”

Carey’s net worth is estimated to be in the $300 million range, but that’s not stopping her from trying to earn more. She and Tanaka professionally expanded their relationship and have decided to take some wildly miscalculated business risks together. They’ve invested in several upstart companies that offer a wide range of services and products. All have failed in rather hilarious fashion. If you blinked, you probably missed them, so here’s a brief recap.

His and Hers Fragrance Set

In March, the couple launched Irrelevance, a cologne and perfume boxset available exclusively through the Elizabeth Arden website. After the non-existent success of Mariah’s 2008 dive into the perfume market, a medicinal-smelling sugar spritz simply called, “M,” why not give it another try? But who would name their own product, “Irrelevance?” According to Carey, the name is meant to be an ironic, vengeful nod to what she calls, “her haters.” In an interview just after the new fragrances were released, Carey addressed those haters directly:

They all know I’ve never been irrelevant and never will be, no matter how much they pray for it. So, I thought I’d answer their prayers just this once. Irrelevance, by Mariah Carey. Finally, you’re getting what you want.”

Unfortunately for Carey, however, the joke seems to be on her. Since the March release, Irrelevance has been just that, landing in the bottom third of Madame Danielle’s Hot 200 Fragrance Chart. In May, Tanaka attempted to invigorate the marketing campaign by hiring his cousin, Todd, to shoot new promotional photos. The photos were of a mostly nude Carey and Tanaka in suggestive poses, surrounded by huge bottles of perfume. The ads were so ridiculous that the Arden website immediately took them down and are rumored to be cutting business ties with Mariah and Bryan altogether.

Holiday Meat Packages

In early December of last year, Carey and Tanaka ventured into the mail-order food game, founding and launching, “All I Want For Christmas Is Jus.” This ridiculous business literally caters to seasonal meal planning, offering a wide variety of beef, pork, chicken and duck, along with premade sauces, promised to be perfect for holiday gatherings of all sizes. Tanaka, who gained experience in food service during his 8-year stint as a Burger King fry cook, is passionate about food.

I like meats and stuff and Christmas and presents so I just thought meat presents are pretty cool then I talked about it to Mariah and she said OK so we did it,” rambled Tanaka shortly after the company’s launch. In January, it was announced the brand would no longer be able to function and filed for delicious bankruptcy.

Yacht Rental

Usually, when you see Mariah and Bryan photographed together, they’re standing on the deck of a lavish yacht. This hasn’t been on accident. In February, the pair announced their partnership in a Miami-based boat rental company called Open Waters. Hoping to attract a more upscale clientele, Open Waters reached out to Carey about branding her own, yacht-heavy arm of the rental business. Of course, she accepted. And so, Dreamlover Yacht Rentals was born.

By August, it was dead.

One of the yachts being rented out by Dreamlover was discovered to have major structural issues along with a good deal of rat-related damage. Within a week, it collapsed and sunk in Miami, injuring 4 over-tanned passengers and destroying several bottles of champagne in the process.

Everyone knows Mariah Carey is a great singer. Her celebrity, whether you like her or not, has been hard-earned with hundreds of millions of record sales and decades of successful concert tours. Earning a fortune in the music business is hard, but Mariah has made it look easy. It’s a good thing, too. Her ability to earn outside the realm of showbusiness has proven to be nearly impossible, but that’s not going to deter her from trying. Thank goodness. We could all use a good laugh from time to time.